Hands

My favorite hands are my piano hands.

My piano hands have short stubby nails.
and short stubby thumbs.

but they have long fingers and velocity. 

and even though they can only reach a 9th I love and accept them, because they are me.
And they are the facilitator, the catalyst, the enabler, the architect of the symphonies in my head.

But they have one blatant, ragingly obvious fault, a bad habit they can't seem to overcome. They can never play the symphonies I dream.

I dream in music, usually. Superlative music. But as soon as I wake up, its gone.

And as I am writing this, I am holding back my tears, because after 365 dreams of fantastic, inspiring music its frustrating to sit at the piano, with my piano hands...

And just sit.




I have other hands, too. And I won't forget about them.

There are the hands that held a violin for the first time in 4 years today, and put their fingers in exactly the right spots, and felt that sensation that is there before the calluses come.

There are the hands that do yoga
The hands that untie knots
The hands that love to feel everything around them


And soak it all in through the fingertips.

I Should Be Doing Homework

First, some random thoughts:

So, I've noticed some things I always do. Like every morning I look at the clock and its either 6:49 or 7:06. And I always sneeze right after I put on mascara, and then I get those annoying black dots on my face. And I have this old radio in my bathroom to keep me company in the shower, and Africa by Karl Wolf comes on every time. And the station always changes right in the middle of the song. And whenever I do homework online, I always end up on facebook.

But doesn't everybody?

My drama coach insists on me playing the piano for her, and tries to tie in music with whatever we're doing.

It usually doesn't work.

But at least I got to play the can-can, and a couple of rag-time's and pretend I was in a saloon, and it was a good day.

Never dip a Skor bar in peanut butter, you'll regret it.

Now that I've gotten the randomness out of my head, here's the real deal:

I don't like The Call of the Wild. Its depressing, and somewhat dark, and I'm always worrying about Buck and his friends out in the bleak, icy tundras of Canada. And at the pace I'm reading, I don't think they'll ever get out. And Dave just died!
I hate that.
That's why I'm writing this post right now, because I don't want to know what happens next, even though I really want to get them out of the cold.

And so I got thinking. Why do we avoid and procrastinate so much? Why does my life is average seem so much more important than class until the deadline, when we stress ourselves out and breakout, and if we're girls we cry, and get headaches and such? It just doesn't make sense to me, and I feel so hypocritical, because I'm writing this instead of doing homework. And I'm chatting with two people on facebook. And I'm laughing at a very average MLIA. And I'm also seriously considering look at the Fail Blog, because right now, a laugh is more important than organ donations, and high honors reflections, and mitosis. But I just don't understand why? Hm.

But as soon as my mom will ask me if I've done my chores, I will tell her that I have homework. Because homework is more important than chores. We lead such contradictory lives, don't we?

Creativity

Just a small town girl
Livin' in a lonely world
She took the midnight train
Goin' half a mile an hour and I
Started staring at the passengers
And waving good bye
Because I'm more than some
Pretty face beside a train
Its not easy to be me

Well, uh, you done done me
And you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but
You're so hot that I melted
I fell right thru the cracks
And I want you to know
That it doesn't matter
Where we take this road,
Someone's gotta go
And I wish you'd just
Realize what I just realized
That we'd be perfect for each other

And you'd share with me the blankets
That you're wrapped in, cuz its
Cold outside, cold outside
Share with me the secrets that you kept in
Cuz its cold inside, you're cold inside
So I'll be your crying shoulder
I'll be love's suicide
And I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of your life

Hey Jude, don't make it bad
Take a sad song, and make it better
Remember to let her into your heart
And you can start to make it better
Hey soul sister, ain't that mister mister
On the radio, stereo, the way you move,
I can't keep my eyes off of you and me
And all other people, with nothin to do
Nothin to lose and its you and me
And I'll swim the ocean for you,
The ocean for you
Whoa, Kelsey

Here comes the sun,
Here comes the sun , and I say
Its all right, its ok,
I'm so much better without you
I won't be sorry

* Don't Stop Believin'-- Journey * How Far We've Come -- Matchbox 20 * Superman-- Five For Fighting * I'm Yours-- Jason Mraz * Already Gone-- Kelly Clarkson * Realize-- Colbie Caillat * Vulnerable-- Secondhand Serenade * I'll Be-- Edwin McCain * Hey, Jude-- The Beatles * Hey, Soul Sister-- Train * You and Me-- Lifehouse * Kelsey-- Metro Station * Here Comes the Sun-- The Beatles * Its Alright, Its Ok-- Ashley Tisdale

Today

It sunned today.

I may have had a bad hair day (literally) but that doesn't matter.

Today I...
drove to school
hit Sri Lanka with a meter stick
ate lunch outside
got called a man by a teacher
got spit on twice! by the same teacher
got married
played kickball
stole a person
shot a teacher with a tinker toy gun
successfully held someone hostage
ran into an old stalker
AND
ate a peanut butter and grape-nut sandwich

It decided to stop sunning today, but at least I got a hint of summer.


Please Come Faster.

Rhetorical

I sit here.

And smile at how the snow is finally disappearing from the mountains.

And think.


The last term of my freshman year is starting tomorrow. Where does the time go? Its got me thinking of how much has happened this year, and how quickly things must have changed. If the school year started yesterday, then when did everything happen?

And then I wonder for a while.

And notice the mini tornado forming across the street. Which gets me wondering again. How does the world work?

And how does God know everything?