a mormon's take on homosexuality

i do not personally represent the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, this is just my personal view as an active member of the church.

i am not a gay-hater. every human, every child of God has the right to agency, and nobody should interfere with that. i have no intention of telling anybody they can't choose the lifestyle the want. there are plenty of people in the world who are gay and can't help it, because they don't know how to. because some understand differently than i do, they don't want to help it. that's their decision, and i'm going to love them either way. as mormons, we are so quick to judge. acting on homosexual desires keeps you out of the temple. no one is going to force anybody to be temple-worthy. just because someone give into a weakness doesn't make them any less of a person. they should not be shunned or bullied or asked to change. everybody breaks and gives in in some aspect at some point in their journey. it's only human. some people sin differently than you- so what?! there are so many factors that come in to play that we have no room and no right to judge. there are so many details that God only knows. i beg mormons to stop playing God. it's a little favorite dirty habit of ours. no one's telling you to route on people who act on their homosexuality. all you have to do is be okay with them. a simple "you're a person, just like me, and i like you because of you" will suffice. their homosexuality is not your problem. let it be.

if someone wants your help, let them ask for it.

learn about the LDS church here and here

happy corner

999 true things about me

1. i like cold tea. not iced... just cold
2. i would rather take the long way instead of changing lanes
3. i love coconuts
4. if i'm alone in the car, i'll turn my blinker off and back on so it blinks in time to the blinker in front of me
5. fast blinkers are annoying
6. when i walk my left foot points straight and my right foot turns out
7. sometimes i fine thick, coarse, black hair growing out of my head
8. i get headaches from headbands
9. i love old things
10. i love the smell of coffee
11. i've taken 3 years of spanish
12. i can't really speak spanish
13. i started playing violin at age 3
14. if i fall asleep and my feet are cold, i have bad dreams
15. if i'm too hot at night i wake up at exactly 2:14 am every single time
16. i think stupid things are funny
17. i don't really like milk
18. i like pear-scented things
19. i like pear jellybeans
20. i like dr pepper jellybeans
21. peanut butter and pickles is surprisingly delicious
22. i wish i liked science
23. i am a mormon
24. my ancestors were mormon pioneers
25. if i'm walking fast, it means i have to go (like, to the bathroom)
26. my great-great-something-grandfather was on the Mayflower
27. i am 5 feet 6 inches tall
28. disneyland was my first memory
29. i remember random useless things
30. i love asian food
31. i love asians
32. i am very irish
33. i used to irish dance
34. i get allergies in june, only in june
35. i like 9's and 3's
36. i wish i was born in the 50's
37. i love sitting at the bottom of swimming pools
38. i hold my pen wrong
39. i have a weird bump on my knuckle from holding my pen wrong
40. i know how to spell subpoena
41. i usually compose music in Ab major, so the Db doesn't feel left out 
42. i will make fun of your utah accent
43. i love oregon beaches
44. i like being cold, unless i'm asleep
45. my feet turn purple regularly
46. i name all my instruments
47. i love going barefoot
48. i love buying shoes
49. i don't like necklaces
50. i want a pet pig named george
51. i want 2 cats, ringo and linguine 
52. during the summer i pray that my future husband will be smart at scout camp
53. i love rollercoasters
54. i hate heights
55. i like indie music
56. i wish at 10:10
57. i like indian food
58. i want to live in india
59. i can't sleep in
60. i love nature
61. i hate hiking
62. i wish i liked to run
63. i have tiny ankles
64. i have a birthmark on my left temple
65. my birthmark is commonly mistaken for a bruise
66. my second toe is longer than my big one
67. my favorite color is yellow
68. the first thing i ever bought was a pack of that zebra gum at safeway
69. i miss orange blossom special ice cream
70. most everything i own is pink
71. i don't really like pink
72. i absolutely love the beatles
73. i think paul mccartney looks like a monkey
74. i wish i was british 
75. i need a pet sloth
76. i wish my hair was wavier
77. i like being alone
78. i wish my hair was auburn
79. belle is my favorite princess
80. i like guys who wear skinny jeans
81. i like wearing skinny jeans
82. i can never get away with cheating
83. i love goofy sweaters
84. i don't like twilight
85. i don't like justin bieber
86. i make harry potter references a lot
87. i read the entire harry potter series backward
88. i don't like adele
89. i wish i liked adele
90. i stress out about everything
91. i don't like wicked
92. i used to act
93. i was hypolyta in a midsummer night's dream
94. i want to legally change my name to aubrey-claire
95. i went on a cruise to alaska
96. i use to love barbies
97. i'm scared of things grabbing me from behind
98. i have a weakness for black skin
99. gorillas are my favorite animal
100. i like sleeping in the tub (probably not the greatest...)

to be continued...

everyday vegan

okay, yeah, as a continuation of my bridge obsession...

this is the 59th street bridge  in beautiful nyc...

and this is the 59th street bridge song.

and it's pretty groovy. 

even though i enjoy cheese. a lot....

like... A LOT. 

i have made one of the greatest life decisions. 

i'm going to be vegan. 

like, a vegetarian who doesn't eat cheese. 

or yogurt, or milk, or eggs, or butter, or jell-o, or chicken broth.

or cheese. 

i love cheese. 

is it unethical to not be an ethical vegan? because ethical vegans don't use glue. or crayons.

and i like crayons almost as much as i like cheese. almost. 

and apparently i'm not allowed to call myself vegan if i use crayons.

so i guess i'm just your everyday unethical vegan.... 

goodbye:(

bridge obsession

i have this new obsession with bridges. i love them. so much.

it may or may not have something to do with the fact that i'm going to portland in a month. portland is full of bridges. portland is also my favorite.

there's also this really cute one outside my bedroom window. it crosses an irrigation ditch. (welcome to utah)

but the ditch got filled, so it just crosses... dirt. pretty(:

this one is my favorite. i am very emotionally attached to it. when i was little, we crossed it almost every day.

i mean, it was the first bridge i ever crossed. ever. in my entire existence. i was born on one side of the bridge, and we lived on the other. it's very special and near to my heart.



are you laughing? cuz that would be very rude.

and this one...isn't it so pretty?

and look at that gorgeous oregon sky.

i miss clouds. real clouds. and i also miss bridges.

we would cross this one and go to the rose festival parade. i was positive it would lift up while we were on and then our car would fall in the river. it was traumatic.


and anyway... i really like bridges. and in july, i will be in the city of bridges and i will relive my childhood.

sort of.

and i'll just be happy, because i'll be close to a bridge. actually, lots of bridges.

and really, the only reason i like bridges is because i like rivers. because rivers are water and water is life.

and i like life.

sometimes...

you find out things about yourself. and you're like...

yep.

that's totally me. why did it take me so long to realize?

p.s. please ignore the cruel and unusual previous post. 

today. it clicked. okay, so here's a little back story first. 

sometimes, i get on facebook just to zone out. seriously, i'm really not that interested in what my "friends" have to say to the world. i currently have 556. i talk to... 12 of them? i mean, it's nice to see what those 12 are up to while we are all out in the world and on our various adventures throughout the summer. i mean... what they're up to on their various adventures. my adventures remain strictly in utah valley and have yet to become "various"


and anywho, that's beside the point. the whole point of that was to say that i get on facebook to zone out. ponder. do something depthless.

i get a lot of thinking done on facebook. (that's the point.)

so today. it clicked. i realized that if you push me, i'm not going to do what you want me to do. i'm also not going to push back.

i'll probably end up getting up and walking the other direction.

figuratively.

possibly literally?

and that's the way i am. and that's why pushy people make me really grumpy.

unless i like them, then i'm only just grumpy. not really grumpy.

so, don't push me, and i won't run away from you. deal?

deal.

whatever people say i am, that's what i'm not.

(okay i stole the title from the Arctic Monkeys, big whoop.)


sometimes i remember who i used to be.

she was a pretty stupid person.

i can take criticism, i can. it eats me up inside. every. single. time.

but then, i get over it, and it's not a big deal and i move on with my life and try to be okay.

but seriously.

you can tell me how to live my life. you can tell me who to talk to and who not to. you can tell me to be better at being social and to get myself out more and to be a happy bubbly person and be nice to everybody.

guess what?

i am going to be aubrey. 


the end. maybe she'll fit into your criteria, maybe she won't. if it bugs you, not a big deal. she's just herself.

do.
not.
tell.
me.
what.
to.
do.

okay? okay.

let's be friends(:

On Friendship and Judgement

I was the recipient of a good hard mental slap to the face, along with an emotional punch in the gut this week.

W.A.-Way Awesome.

Sometimes when you're a high school student, you think things about people subconsciously, and don't even realize it.

And that was also redundant. You're a cool kid, Aubrey.

Anyways, I had never even met this girl. I'd seen her in the halls at school and, since I am a human being naturally prone to pride, I thought less of her than I should have. Without going into detail, she seemed like the kind of girl who would drag you down into her unconcealed pit of misery if she could. How awful I feel. I learned this week, thanks to a buddy and my mental slap, that she was a lot stronger, and more courageous than anybody could see.

She had been adopted as a preteen. Her parents didn't like her, and kicked her out. She's now living in a motel with her sister and her sister's boyfriend. She's trying to make it through high school even though her learning disability gets in the way. She doesn't know how exactly she's going to make ends meet when she's out of high school.

I now have much more respect for her, and much less respect for me.





On a happier note, I have this awesome friend :) She's pretty good at talking to anybody. And everybody. All the time. She saved two lives in one day.

First, she saved a little boy, ok he's a (not so little) senior, who was sitting all by himself  at lunch. I tried to get the guts to go be his friend, but the awfully awkward situation kept playing through my head. That's when my awesome friend came to the rescue. She went up and talked to him, and they didn't stop talking. After I finished my lunch, I talked to him too.

He's W.A.-Way Awesome.

His name is Daniel, and he competes internationally with an Air Force drill team. He also writes freelance, and just had an article published in an Egyptian newspaper. His mile time is 6:23. You should all be friends with him.

Then she saved my life just a few hours later after my gut punch. Sometimes when you're me, you get your hopes up, or totally perceive something in the wrong way, and then it all ends with traumatic tragedy. That's what awesome friends are for. Especially when they drive you to your sister's house in Provo at 10 at night and hold your hand the whole way.

I.L.Y.L.R.- I Love You Lauren Roylance

Ha. Yeah.

Remember that goal... the one where I was going to write more often? hm.

Well, today's post is going to be about something I feel very passionate about: Teenage Boys

I don't want to sound like a whiner, but seriously? I don't even know what to think. Do they think their indifference is attractive? And what's up with this laziness stuff? I don't know a single person who consciously wants to be friends with a lazy person. And Call of Duty.

Why?

So, I have officially decided to only be friends with boys who are always nice to girls. I only have one friend boy. And he's my daddy :)

Other than that, life's been pretty... ya know...

Highschoolish

On Decision Making

I am the worst decision maker. Ever.

Cute? Yes. But almost entirely impossible to decide on. And the nice little lady showed me about 25,000 other pairs that would also work. Thank you, shoe store employees, for making my life just a little harder. This is just a dance. Can you imagine what my wedding might be like?

Ick.

Yesterday was PLAN day. Which means to us lowly sophomores, a wonderful 3 hours of testing. Good thing I like testing. Sometimes. Kind of. Just kidding. It really wasn't that bad, you know. Good thing I won't be a senior for another year and a half.

Ah.


Let's see...what else... Don't laugh to hard while you're looking at this.

Here in Utah we might refer to this as Relief Society Arm, but hey, it sounds better than arm fat. Or batwings.

Have a WONDERFUL day :)

Done.

I'm just done with life... I know I don't have a good reason, but I am.

I want to move away and never come back, start a brand new life...

And drown my regrets in butterscotch pudding.

Nostalgia

The Cool Thing About Having an Elmo-themed surprise party is that even though you have the basics figured out already, the details are very much a surprise.

I mean, I put on my Elmo T-shirt for no apparent reason and lumbered up the stairs. My mom probably thought: Wait....What? 
My thought process was most likely somewhere along these lines:
Oh, that surprise party is today
Um, I feel lazy
I'll just wear this Elmo shirt because I'll have time to actually get ready later
Wow, I haven't worn this shirt in a while
Should I wear those red keds?
No, that would look dorky

Once I was upstairs, that shirt "Sparked [my mom's] memory" and had my dad bring out an identical red Elmo hoodie that they had "forgotten" to give me on my birthday. I totally fell for it. Please don't look at that gross just-barely-out-of-the-shower face. Haha and can you see that wonderful British Lit textbook I have?

 Love.


I totally knew I was helping my sister watch her baby so my mom could set up the party. But I thought it was at my friend's house not my neighbor's so that was surprise number one. I was also unaware that this party had been intentionally Elmo from the beginning, surprise number two.

Surprise number three, I'm not photogenic. At all. But that's not really a surprise, okay?

Hooray for birthdays, and cake :)

And a shout out to my wonderful mother and sister who both threw me off pretty good....well? Which one would you use for that?

I Love Being Sick

The best part about being sick is the part when you don't have to deal with people you don't feel like dealing with. The second best part about being sick is the part when you have the house mostly to yourself but you don't feel obligated to clean it. The third best part about being sick is the part when you can eat real normal human food for lunch at home. But my most favorite part is when your stomach hurts, but you look at this picture and laugh so your stomach hurts even more:

Hey guys! My birthday was yesterday! Sweet Sixteen and never been missed, my mom said. It was the best ever. I even got a pillow pet. And some crayons, and some lotion, and some earrings, and some tickets to that David Archuleta Christmas concert, and some horchata. Oh, and a dress for the Christmas dance, but who are we kidding? I haven't been asked and it's in a week.

Which reminds me... the best part about having a school with Gryffindor colors is having a Christmas dance called the Yule Ball. Life probably doesn't get any better. 



Too bad I'm in Ravenclaw...

Widor and I have a Thing

For those of you illiterate when it comes to everything organ,
(it's okay, I once was too) Charles-Marie Widor is my favoritest organ composer. We are totally in love, even if he's dead. I am currently listening to his Allegro, From Sixth Symphony. It is my goal piece, and it's also very moving. Look it up on youtube. It's totally worth it. (I'm not a big fan of the frequent change in volume of that version, but you get the idea)

All right, now that we've got that burst of nerdiness behind us...

I didn't make it to my birthday. I'm back on facebook... I forgot how angry it made me. Oh well.

I was falling asleep last night at 8:30 because I was mad and exhausted and peeved and feeling ganged up on and lonely and a bit depressed when I had one of those wonderful epiphanies you get every so often. Want to hear about it?

There's meaning behind everything. Okay, everybody knows that, but seriously. You know, there's probably a reason I love The Beatles. I probably will be in the middle of making some serious life decisions when a Beatles song will come on and make the decision for me. They probably have some lyric somewhere that will hit home and keep me from doing something terribly horrid. Or terrid, like Creedence would say. :) I probably am head over heals in love with the organ for some reason beyond what you can see on the outside. Honestly, I couldn't tell you why I love the organ so much. I love the challenge, I love the contrast and color it brings to a single piece of music, I love the mathematics behind the sounds it makes, I love the emotion, but that's not REALLY why I like it. I don't know, I just do. Maybe there are some people I need to meet, some life I need to touch, some lesson I need to learn by playing the organ. I have no idea... but there are definitely some people I couldn't imagine or bear life without who I would've never met if it hadn't been for the organ.

I had a lot more I wanted to add to this list last night, but... that was 23 hours ago. Thanks for listening.

Happy Cyber Monday!

Hmmm

I came back!

And wow, high school is stressful. But I'm going to try and post more regularly. Is every three months not regular enough for you? 

Ha! I've been looking at cake wrecks a lot recently. She's hilarious, and so are those cakes. My, my, my.

I'm on a facebook fast again. I can't remember when I started, but I'm getting back on my birthday (which is in T-5 days!)

I watched No Impact Man yesterday, and that was amazing. The profanity is a little, um, overwhelming? But its still amazing. Plus, you get sent on a guilt trip for every single piece of trash you throw away!

My friend moved to Arizona two years ago. I still haven't forgiven him, but, he moved back and showed up on my door step yesterday. It was wonderful!

I watched the new Harry Potter last night. The camera movement gave me a headache...but that was a Harry Potter movie like I've never seen before. Wow. 

Which of course, made me have a very intense dream. An earthquake shook the Governor's house to shambles, a bomb went off in the Houses of Parliament, and my gondola got eaten by a shark. Then I was forced to take a class from Professor Flitwick, who taught me that the English language was inspired by geese playing in a pond. If anyone can translate dreams, please help me! I'm still confused. 

There's a little update on my life. Not too awful I hope.

No Title

See that annoying little annoying photobucket thing? Well I can't make it go away, so I'm sorry, you'll just have to deal with it.

Oh, and p.s. I lost my camera in California. I had a funeral for it. So, if any of you are willing to donate to The Aubrey Needs a New Camera Fund, please do. :)


I start high school in 8 days. Yep. I'm scared. But it'll be good, even if I got called crazy for taking AP Music Theory. Its okay, I like being crazy.

I'm wearing purple pajamas with fruits all over them.  They just ripped. I made them 5 years ago. That's depressing.

I beat my brother-in-law, Joey, at chess last night. I haven't played in 2 years. I'm very proud of myself.  Thanks you, Fritz, (the little boy in the computer game) for ingraining chess skills into my sub-cranium.

And now, I must do some online schoolwork, because I plan on being smart when I graduate. tee hee.

Well...

Here I am, sipping my honey-vinegar water and waiting for my sinus infection to hit the road. Seriously, these things are lethal, and I'm willing to try ANYTHING. But I'm listening to Lily Allen, so things are somewhat ok. I'm just hoping to kick it out before I leave....

Have a little catch-up session with me:
I'm leaving to SoCal for a week to play the organ. My best friend isn't going. But he was going to...sad.
I'm flying from California to Lubbock to hang out with my sis and the fam. Yay!
The we're driving to the Grand Canyon, and up to Vegas. I've never been there, can you imagine?
THEN we're driving home. Well, my home.
And, I just finished my nast glass of vinegar...aren't you proud? :)

I am Aubrey Fitzgerald, and...yeah.

Its Been A While...

Like, almost a month. woops. Its been quite an eventful month though, let me tell you.

First of all, trek. What teenager would want to wear pioneer clothes and sleep under the stars and pull handcarts into the wee hours?

Ha. Mormon kids do!:)

And it was a blast, and I loved every part of it, even down to the port-a-johns and the dirt under my fingernails. 

Next up, Girls Camp.

What teenage girls want to go up in the mountains for a week and sleep in tents 2 days after they got back from trek?

Ha. Mormon girls do!:)

We sang annoyingly repetitive campfire songs (C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E-S-O-N-G Song!) and rafted down the Provo River. (Our guide is opening up an Irish taco shop in Provo next month, yippee!) and ended with a wonderful testimony meeting, definitely my best Girls Camp yet :)

(Let me introduce you to spidey-gangster-camper, aka yours truly)

And Then I Went Home And Slept...

I am Aubrey Fitzgerald, and I enjoy my bed. 

[ Insert Cry of Frustration Here]

I have to do something I don't want to do.
I'm not being forced into it, but its the knowing that there is something unknown, a mystery that I will never solve unless I do this thing I don't want to do.
I am a future-looker, which is why I'm where I'm at, but that is beside the point. If I was not a future-looker, I would not have to do this thing I don't want to do.
It all goes back to this "accused" thing. I am misunderstood, people judge me for who I am. But I would most definitely rather be criticized for who I am than loved for who I'm not.

And so, I am going to do this thing I don't want to do.

"I'll put on my best and
I'll stick out my chest and
I'm off to the races again."


I am Aubrey Fitzgerald, and I WILL do hard things.

Today I

Today I woke up to Channing Tatum hanging on my wall. He is beautiful. Today will be a good day.
            p.s. this all didn't happen today, its just...figurative?
Today I spent time with my drooling, giggling nephew. He is beautiful too. Today will be a good day.
Today I went to the temple. It was wonderfully spiritual. Today will be a happy day.
Today I helped someone feel the spirit. My fingers listen to the spirit better than I do. Today will be a happy day.
Today I saw the good in someone who has made bad choices. It made him beautiful to me. Today will be a wonderful day.
Today I made the shy girl laugh. I think we're going to be friends. Today will be a wonderful day.
Today I was patient
Today I held my tongue 
Today I smiled for someone else
Today someone else smiled too
Today I focused on the good parts
Today I thought life was colorful
Today I thought life was wonderful


I am Aubrey Fitzgerald, and today I am an optimist.